The Internet, Social Media and Loneliness
I’ve been thinking a lot of late about the internet. In particular, about time spent on the internet. Maybe it’s all the blogging of late :), but I think it’s even more paying attention as my kids (now in 6th and 8th grade) feel more and more pressure to join in the social media world that many of their friends have already and enthusiastically entered.
In this regard, two recent pieces have caught my attention. The first is the cover story of this month’s Atlantic which asks the question, “Is Facebook Making us Lonely?” The answer, in case you don’t want to read the whole article, is a qualified yes. Essentially, according to the author, Facebook and other social media only facilitate our own inclinations: if we are inclined to do things that make us lonely, social media makes it easier.
But I think when you read the statistics of the upsurge in loneliness and depression in our culture that the author shares, it’s hard to remain quite so neutral. Of course Facebook and company aren’t responsible for our loneliness, but they do provide more, I think, than simply neutral space. They actually make it easier to connect without really connecting, to participate in a substitute for community that does not carry the social benefits of actually being in a flesh and blood community. And given how challenging real relationships and real community can be, substitutes are phenomenally tempting. In this regard, I think Facebook has become something like relational junk food – it gives the impression of satisfying real hunger by momentarily filling you up – but the nutritional value is pretty scant and, more than that, it creates cravings for more of the same. (Feed kids Sweet Tarts all the time and not only do they not get the vitamins and minerals they need but broccoli looks worse and worse.)
Please don’t get me wrong: I’m not saying that Social Media is bad, only that it has to be used with extreme care. In this regard, consider this TEDTalk by Sherry Turkle, entitled “Connected, but Alone?” Turkle is a great one to raise these questions, as she was one of the early adopters and promoters of the internet’s capacity to help us connect with each other. A dozen years later, she’s asking what kind of connections they’re helping us make.
Again, let me be cautious about sounding too down on the internet (something anyone who blogs ought to be very cautious about!). Because ultimately I think the internet is an incredible thing (even if I do worry that my word processor’s dictionary always wants me to capitalize it), and I find the ability it grants me to not only receive incredible amounts of information but also contribute to that pool of information and discourse simply amazing. It is, in fact, something I’m very grateful for. In fact, on some mornings, after reading a great post on someone’s blog or responding to comments on my own, I almost think I could do this for a living, that connecting via the internet is enough. But then I go to class, or pick up my kids, or make dinner with my spouse and am reminded that, at its best, social media facilitate real relationships by bridging some of the distances that separate us, but finally they’re no substitute for the real thing. I guess that’s what I want to teach my kids.
Post image by Phillip Toledano for this month’s Atlantic cover article.
Sherry Turkle’s book Alone Together is a great resource!
I’ll put this out there as an identified “Millenial” & pastor, 28 years old. I’m not attached to a device like this and I’ve always enjoyed a face-to-face conversation. I’ve never exactly understood the apparent inability to be self-disciplined with a topic like this. Maybe it was my psych classes which taught me that attention cannot be successfully split; multitasking is simply switching attention quickly from one thing to another. Maybe it’s the words of Thich Nhat Hanh about being mindfully present in our lives. If you don’t know who he is, I encourage you to read some of his words. Apply that to activities: when you are at a meeting, be THERE, in that moment. Don’t just eat food, have a meal with the people that are around you! At least once a day, get out of your office, walk over or down or whatever direction to someone you work with, for, or who works under you and talk to them. All the work will be there waiting for you to give it all the attention you can give it. Why not wrest some of that back and channel it towards someone meaningful in God’s eyes?
The ideas that she puts forth I can see happening around the culture and I think none of us would deny that, but the simple fact that the example first brought up was of parents not giving attention at a breakfast table… as a kid I would ask: what is more important to you? I know God thinks that all of his children are pretty important to him… important enough to die for, right? Loved enough to die for and to listen to and work in and through.
I don’t resist technology, in fact, I think as the church we are called to not only embrace and implement technology in the way that Luther did, but find ways of doing it to enrich and enhance the lives we live, day to day, face to face, hour by hour. Technology is what has enabled our families hundreds of miles away to continue to be connected and watch as our baby girl grows by leaps and bounds in between Skype sessions and via photos on FB, Instagram or whatever.
I wish I could find the apparent lack of need I have to live this way that Sherry so aptly calls out, distill it, and find a way to share it… anyone have any thoughts to make that a reality?
Well said, Jonathan. I think you’ve been lucky in terms of the communities – familial and others – you’ve been a part of. I think that internet-mediated relationship feel “safe” to some folks because you can hide more of yourself via your profile, wall, avatar, or whatever. But relationship, real relationship, implies risk. So maybe the question is how we can form communities that are safe enough that they permit us to risk ourselves in real relationship. Thanks for your insights.
When social media becomes a substitute for being social I can see it being a problem. But in the last few months I’ve witnessed a pastor chronicle his struggle over losing his Marine son and a happy mother of two share the heartbreaking loss of “one on the way.” All of this on social media.
Both of these fine connected Christians live full and enriched lives with plenty of face to face contact (and arm to arm hugs) FB has been good for both of them and the many who share their lives. Thanks Mark and Stacy. Note to self, send snail mail card to both of them.
That’s a fabulous example, Bob, of how social media can facilitate, rather than substitute for, genuine relationship. Thanks for sharing it!