The Importance of Being Surprised
One of the attributes that I think is woefully undervalued in leadership is the capacity to be surprised. That may, I know, sound like an odd capacity to lift up and perhaps seems like a rather mundane thing on which to focus. After all, aren’t all of us regularly surprised by all kinds of things all of the time?
Yes…and no. Do things regularly happen that we didn’t expect? Sure. And do we venture into experiences that we’d not had before and are therefore surprised. Absolutely.
But that’s not quite the kind of surprise I’m talking about. What I really mean is the willingness to have our expectations defied, even overturned. To be surprised when a plan we didn’t think had a prayer actually worked. To be stunned when someone we didn’t have a lot of confidence in, or perhaps even mistrusted, far surpasses our expectations.
Again, that might sound easy. And sometimes we are, indeed, pleasantly surprised. It becomes challenging, however, when we are invested in our opinion, when the surprise thereby calls into question our critical competence or the trustworthiness of our judgment. That’s when it gets hard.
And maybe it’s hardest when we weren’t even aware of how invested we are in a particular opinion, judgment, or bias. Or maybe weren’t aware we even had one. Even when the surprise is a good one – someone we’ve written off has really shined – it’s upsetting because it reveals that we were holding a bias or opinion of someone that was negative – and we’d like to think better of ourselves – and that we were wrong to boot!
That kind of surprise isn’t just unsettling it can also create a bit of guilt, of seeing something about ourselves that perhaps we hadn’t wanted to admit. This is often what’s behind the tense conversations that emerge around stereotypes. We don’t want to admit that we would ever make judgments about someone based upon their ethnicity, gender, age, or orientation, and when we realize we have – and that we were wrong – it can be hard to take.
But that very unsettling feeling, of course, can also lead to growth and change. To difficult, perhaps painful, change, but change that can take you to a new place in terms of knowing yourself, valuing others, and being willing to look at a person or challenge from a variety of angles before making a decision.
Which is why being willing to be surprised is so essential, I believe, for good leaders. Because as long as you’re willing to be surprised, you’re still learning, still know you have a lot to learn, still open to being stretched and growing in ways you wouldn’t imagine.
What I really enjoy about the following commercial is the way it plays upon the slightly jarring guilt of realizing we have a negative judgment about another group – in this case teenagers – and surprising us when the main character does something totally unexpected. We quickly get over our guilt and, perhaps for that reason, feel all the better about our newfound sense of wonder and gratitude. I realize that Pfizer is using this commercial to arrest our attention, to move us by an act of creativity and love, and hopefully (from their point of view) to transfer those good feelings to their product. But whatever their intent, it’s a good reminder to us that when we are willing to be surprised, all kinds of things can happen.
So while I don’t want to reduce matters too sharply, I’m nevertheless tempted to suggest that maybe, just maybe, the choice is between the comfort and confidence – and unfortunately the stagnation – that comes from always being right, on the one hand, or the uncomfortable, unsettling, but infinitely more interesting and creative possibilities that come when you’re willing to entertain the real possibility that you are wrong…and be surprised.
Notes: 1) If you are receiving this post by email, you may need to click here to watch the video.
2) I found it interesting – and affirming – that after writing this post and looking for an image to use, I stumbled across the autobiography of Warren Bennis, considered by many to be the founder of the intentional study of leadership. His book is entitled Still Surprised: A Memoir of a Life in Leadership
I don’t know how you do it, David, churning out one beautiful blog article after another, but you’ve done it again with this one. In the midst of a tough time, when the last thing I want is another surprise, I need to be open to what God can show me. Thank you for the encouraging word and for pointing me in the direction of the beautiful Pfizer commercial.
Thank you for reminding me of this great commercial and of how easy it is to think we’re always right. One of my supervisors in a job I had as a much younger woman had this sign over her desk: Did you ever think you might be wrong? A useful reminder. Blessings on your bog and you!
this is an exceptional blog post to guide interim ministers. Thank you
This commercial is especially meaning for me. Our son died in hospital and expressions of hope can be quite rare in that situation. I would like to use it for All Saints Sunday. Teenagers are also saints.