Learning to Listen
I have this theory, maybe you agree: a lot of our relationships – at home, work, school, and more – would improve, and a lot more would be accomplished, and a lot less misunderstanding would occur, and a lot more people would feel valued… if we spent more time listening to each other and less time talking. And not just passive listening where we nod our heads while thinking of what we will say next, but active, interested listening where we believe – and more importantly act – as if what the person speaking with us is saying really matters and that, by extension, that person really matters.
If you agree – heck, even if you don’t 🙂 – I invite you to spend eight minutes with Julian Treasure and listen – really listen – to what he says about how to really listen.
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Wonderful and true! A further suggestion to expand a bit on your idea of active, interested listening and on Julian’s categories of summarize and ask: as a listener, share with the speaker what you have heard (summarize) from a provisional place of curiosity (i.e., this is what I understood you to say) and ask “open, honest questions” as described by Parker Palmer (keeps in check the filters through which we listen); and ask if the speaker would like to hear your thoughts on what they’ve said (opens conversation) . Thanks, David for raising this topic!
Listening, truly listening, is a spiritual discipline. When one listens to another they are acknowledging them on a level that normally does not take place in daily living. We are, in one sense, saying that out of everything else in the world that I could be doing, thinking, talking about, or listening to, none of that is as important as you and what you are saying. I don’t think I am over selling it. This is a new perspective for me. If you were to ask my seminary classmates if those words would come from me, they would all (almost 100%) say “no way”. Perspectives have changed and I have changed because I have listened and have witnessed, first hand, the raw power that it truly listening to someone else. Most complaints, most issues can be righted by having someone truly listen to the one with the issue/complaint.
Ok, I’ve said enough. Thanks for listening…
My brother told me that one of the few things he remembers about our father (who died when we were very young)is that he always said, “You never learn anything by talking.” As a result, my brother is one of the best listeners I know. As for me, I continue to try to listen with open ears, an open mind and an open heart.