The Three “C”s of Leadership (Almost!)
Do you remember the “Three Cs”? You might have learned them while playing sports or performing music or participating in theater. They are the kind of thing a coach or conductor or director will remind anxious players about in order to help them perform their best. The three Cs, as I learned them, were calm, cool, and collected. When a coach or director calls them out, she is inviting the player to pull out of the nosedive of panic that sometimes sets in when you feel under pressure. When we panic we often get impatient and rush our decisions. When we panic we often freeze up and find ourselves unable to take a good shot at the goal or hit that note or remember the line we’ve gone over a thousand times. Calm, cool, collected – it’s an invitation to pause, even if just for a heartbeat, and remember who you are and what you’ve learned to do so that you can trust that and do it.
Lately I’ve been mulling over the three Cs of leadership. Actually, “mulling over” isn’t quite right, as if I’d set out to discover an analogous set of terms that apply to leaders. Rather, it was more like, in pressured situations, I’d stumbled onto a better response than I often make and was struck by how helpful it was.
I suppose I should also admit – if only because in a mere matter of moments you’ll notice this yourself! – it’s not really three “Cs” but two Cs and a K – but at least they all have the “hard C” sound! 🙂
In any event, the first C is the same – stay Calm. The situation is rarely as urgent or as dire at it first seems. The great lie of challenges and setbacks and even most crises is that there is no time – no time to reflect, no time to consult, no time to pray, no time to decide wisely rather than simply react. Sometimes, indeed, there is very little time, but there is almost never no time and usually more than we at first imagined. And so in crises small and large, stay calm, breathe, assess when you absolutely need to render a decision and act, and then plan how to use the time you have to your advantage.
Second – and here’s where I have to be content with the hard C sound – be Kind. If you are going to be a leader, you are going to face criticism. Let me restate that: if you are going to be an effective leader, then you are going to face plenty of criticism. You cannot really lead and play it safe, and some of the more talented leaders I’ve ever known have been hobbled by their fear of criticism, their need to be universally liked, their anxiety about upsetting the boat or making people unhappy or drawing criticism. But leadership means movement, and movement means change, and change means disruption, and disruption invites anxiety and upset, and all of that will eventually (and sometimes very quickly) lead to criticism. And so if you are going to be an effective leader, you need to expect criticism.
And you may learn from it. That is, much of the criticism you receive will be well-intentioned and helpful, and you will learn an immense amount from it. And some criticism will be well-intentioned and not that helpful. And some will not be particularly well-intentioned and yet prove helpful anyway. And some will, well, be neither well-intentioned or helpful! But in all cases, you will respond better – whether learning from it or just surviving it – be trying to be kind to the person(s) offering it.
Kindness, I know, can seem like a very small thing, but I believe it is one of the hallmarks of truly transformative leadership; that is, leadership that not only gets something accomplished but enriches the lives of those being led. And if you can manage to be kind especially to those who are criticizing you – whether well-intentioned or not – you will find it easier to avoid feeling defensive and thereby either learn from the constructive criticism or surmount the less constructive. Kindness has a way of disarming our own tendency to seek defensive shelter when we feel under attach. When some is offering well-intentioned criticism, your kindness helps them appreciate that you are listening to them and value their feedback. And when someone is offering criticism that is not particularly well-intentioned or even seeks to do you harm, kindness has a way of deflecting that animosity and even defeating it by refusing to go to the same negative place from which that kind of criticism emanates.
But either remaining calm or being kind – let alone doing both – can be hard. Which is where the third “C” kicks in – always Contribute. I borrow this notion particularly from the marvelous book by Rosamund Stone Zander and Benjamin Zander, The Art of Possibility: Transforming Professional and Personal Life
Like any worthwhile skill, this one takes time and practice to master. But recently, when I found myself feeling under attack (and sometimes it’s useful to question whether one actually is under attack), I found that intentionally playing the game of contribution – that is, asking myself what I could contribute to the situation and particularly the person with whom I was engaging – was remarkably helpful in shifting my focus, marshalling my best attributes, and reframing the situation so that I could indeed, stay calm, be kind, and make a contribution.
So, there you have it: Calm, Kind, Contribute – the three Cs…almost!…that I’ve found remarkably and repeatedly helpful in leadership. And I hope you do, too.
Thank you for this reminder. As an interim in parishes that present no really issues the first few months are full of anxiety and criticism, as we address and face situations that have deep roots in the life of the parish. Seems this is my ministry over and over again. CCC are needed no matter what. Peace and thanks
Thanks! These three words apply to all situations of all kinds, sacred or secular. Be CALM, be KIND, be a CONTRIBUTOR. As a matter of fact, I can’t think of any situation in which they DO NOT apply!