Along the lines of paying attention…I saw this saying on a picture in a high school counselor’s office recently and it, well, just resonated with me: Pay attention to your thoughts, because they become your words. Pay attention to your words, because they become your actions. Pay attention to your actions, because they become your habits. Pay attention to your habits, because they become your character. Pay attention to your character, because it becomes your destiny. I’m not sure why I’m putting it in the “parenting” section. Maybe it’s just because I saw it in our son’s high school guidance counselor’s office while we...

I’ve written before on Dove’s Self-Esteem project and the creative videos they have produced inviting us to examine our notions of beauty. This movement isn’t without its critics. And, indeed, we need to think critically and carefully about a campaign related to beauty sponsored by a company (Unilever) that sells hygiene and beauty products. At the same time, even as we offer critical feedback, we need, I think, to take seriously the underlying concerns Unilever is unearthing and responses they are suggesting. Which brings me to this very well done – and for this reason also troubling and inspiring – TED Talk by Meaghan Ramsey,...

What is the difference between love and acceptance? Between disease and personality? Between difference and identity? Andrew Solomon takes up these and other questions in this moving talk on the challenges that face parents of extraordinary children – extraordinarily different, bright, difficult, and more. But as you listen, you’ll realize he is speaking about all parents, all whose destiny is held captive by the fate and fortunes of their children. Based on the research and interviews he conducted for this remarkable book Far From the Tree: Parents, Children and the Search for Identity, Solomon challenges us to reconsider the ideals we...

“You can do this yourself.” These were the five words I most disliked hearing from my parents. Oh, I know, you can probably think of five worse words to hear. But these words meant that something I had asked them to do for me got turned around into something I had to do for myself. And that, obviously, wasn’t what I wanted. If I had wanted to do it myself, I wouldn’t have asked them to do it in the first place! Like calling a coach to ask why I wasn’t playing as much as I thought I should be. Or settling an argument with a sibling. Or asking someone for a job. The very point of my asking is that these were things that...

Ask most parents what they most hope for their child, and one of the immediate answers will be that we want our children to be happy. Sometimes that’s intensified, as in, “While I hope they find a good job and lead a good life, all I really want is for my child is happy.” That goal and desire, as Jennifer Senior explains, is so ingrained in current parenting culture that we don’t even question it. But maybe we should. Just as we were willing to ask whether happiness is a goal or a by-product, so also might we question what the primary role, responsibility and goal of parenting is. Because if you believe that...

Parents do a lot of things. We try to teach our children values. We provide them with home, clothing, education, and more. We protect them whenever necessary and possible and – often much harder – try to let them to struggle when that seems more important. And, of course and most importantly, we love them…deeply, truly, more than they will ever know until they have children of their own. But I wonder if another thing we do – whether we know it or not – is also frame the world for them, provide them with a sense of what is possible and real, and prepare them to accept — or reject — the terms of the world in which they...