If there is one element of parenting that I have consistently found confusing it’s the role of incentives in a child’s life. That is, should we set up concrete and clear goals and rewards for our children? And, if so, when do we offer incentives, for what kinds of activities, and how much? One of the first times (of many!) that this came up for my wife and me was when our kids were a few years into an excellent Suzuki violin program. At the recitals each fall, winter, and spring, kids would be called forward, recognized, and awarded ribbons for practicing for a hundred days (or 200, 300, etc.) of continuous practice. Simple enough, and...

“Mirror, Mirror on the wall, who’s the fairest one of all?” That most famous of lines from children’s fairy tales has been brought back to the silver screen this year in two major films, one a comedy starring Julia Roberts, the other a dark fantasy with Charlize Theron. But I’m not writing about either of these films; rather, I’m interested in the subject that animates both movies, the fairy tale that inspired them, and increasingly our whole culture: beauty. It is for the sake of beauty that the Queen is willing not just to abandon Snow White to her fate but actually seek to murder her. And it’s a quest for beauty that is...

It seems like each year as our kids get older there are more and more opportunities – in sports, music, at school, with friends. But how much is too much? When does highly-scheduled become over-scheduled? One indicator, various researchers and pediatricians have suggested, is whether it affects our kids’ sleep. If they have a hard time either falling asleep at night or getting up in the morning, they are probably over-scheduled and under-slept to a degree that could be harming their development. If they’re falling asleep with difficulty, it could be because they are stressed, have spent too much time on a screen (TV,...

“Why are the popular kids usually mean?” The question came from a friend, a parent of kids that go to school with my kids. We were at a bar mitzvah and watching the interaction of some of the kids gathered. Her daughter had just been blown off by a group of the “popular” kids and, as any parent would in her situation, she winced. Her daughter was fine, of course; kids have thicker skin than we sometimes imagine. But it still hurt, for all of us. Why are the popular kids usually mean? It’s good question. I didn’t have an answer at the time, but as I’ve thought about it since, I’ve come to the conclusion it’s because the very...

Helicopter parents. We’ve been hearing about them for a few years now. These are the parents that “swoop in” – hence the name – to check in on, and take care of, their kids even after they go to college and, more recently, enter the workforce. They have become the new norm for colleges to contend with – checking up on their kids’ food, dorm conditions, performance, and more. Indeed, the term “in loco parentis” (Latin for “in the place of parents”) seems all but obsolete as part of the description of college officials, as the parents never seem to be absent for long. Except that by and large these parents aren’t there...